Thursday, January 18, 2007

Hmmm

The grit-your-teeth-and-get-through-it part of the plan worked fine. The get-moving-after-the-holidays part, less so.

The holidays aren't the only thing to get through; I have an anxious conversation coming up. But the real problem is the habit of disengaging. It takes energy to get something out of life, even when you are surrounded by great people. I muted myself to get through the season without getting unmanageably irritated at anyone, but that also muted any excitement or vision. I see now that I've done that for so long that I'm so practiced that my reaction to anything is to close down. It's a useful respite when things are buzzing and pulling you out of yourself, but it's disaster when you put yourself into a quiet hole and have to fight through a flock of irritations to push your way out.

Well, it's time to step out and trust the effort will bounce off something worthwhile.

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